He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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