What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
