well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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