I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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