I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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