dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
