How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
