you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize