I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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