smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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