I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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