i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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