i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize