Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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