There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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