Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize