Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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