I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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