If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
