Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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