nut hugger
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
