i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
