Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
