he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
