I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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