thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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