yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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