you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
