dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
