Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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