dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
