The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
