you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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