Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
