She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
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