you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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