I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
