A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize