Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
