dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
