Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
