if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
