We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
