I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
