he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
