that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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