I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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