I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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