I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
