I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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