when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
