my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
