Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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