I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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