i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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