I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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