I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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