Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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