Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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