apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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