My hand turned me down
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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