Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize