Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm getting married
To pizza
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
