I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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